Movie and TV Mistress time for the second story in the HOUSE series.
OK so this is the second movie and we all know the sequels are usually not going to be as good as the first one, but this one though it's an 18 goes all out comedy with subtle horror elements, it's like are you afraid of the dark. Also yet another movie that focus on a Crystal Skull which just adds to how much this movie also disappoints me.
But on with the review the House in this film is different it is a brick mansion but just as big as the first one, it has many different art styles inside. The film starts in the past with a couple giving their baby to another couple, they head back in and hear a noise go to investigate, husband has gun in hand and they find a figure in a room, the husband goes to shoot but is shot by the figure the wife runs but is caught by the figure and he tells her to give him the Skull and she's shot. We then flash forward 25 years and Jesse, played by Arye Gross who used to be in Ellen moves in with his girlfriend the house has been passed down his family.
They explore the dusty house and find an empty pedestal, I guess that’s where the crystal skull goes, the electricity isn't working but the girl can make a phone call... we get a quick history of Jesse's family and he knows the couple killed in the opening were his parents and we see his Great Great grand father. Jesse wakes up in the middle of the night and will something scary happen... No just a collapsible Iron board falls on his head. Jesse's friend and girlfriend arrive next very drunk, yay Amy Yesbeck in another bad 80's sequel, I know she is really funny and I do love her in movies and Wings but I always feel she could do something great.
So we get more history about the Mcguffin Crystal Skull with diamonds in it's eyes, and exposition about the skull and Jesse and his friend go in search and dig up his Great Great Grand father, who buried the Skull with him and is still alive as the skull gives ever lasting life, he wears a hideous mask but looks pretty good for over a hundred and seventy years old. Like I said earlier there really aren’t any scares in this film and 20 minutes in the skull has been found.
Gramps explains more about the house as a temple and protecting the skull, and how it was supposed to make him young again. But he notice's that he is 170 year old zombie who can't die. Charlie Jesse’s friend takes Gramps out for a drive and a drink. I'm board with this film but oh look it's Bill Maher. This movie feels like a lot of exposition and information from Gramps and when he tells a story I’m reminded of an old BT advert. Boring story montage who knew that was possible.
There is a party happening in the house and Charlie forgot to tell Jesse, Jesse bumps into an old flame, Gramps joins the party and the Skull starts doing stuff and lets out a big guy from an ancient time into the party, this movie is reminding me of the second Waxworks movie. Jesse's girlfriend beats him up because of his old flame and Gramps is beaten up by the big guy who then steals the skull and returns to the room he came from which has got a jungle in it. Jesse has to get the Skull back from the stone age guy Charlie tags along and brings weapons.
In the jungle there are some weird creatures and dinosaurs the history of this is stupid the guy is meant to be from the stone age which is well after the dinosaurs, or polished metal swords, but I’m nit picking. The stone age guy is eaten by what looked like a ROUS. And again they get the skull back only to loose it to a pterodactyl. I hate this story so much, why is it even an 18 movie? it might as well be a kids adventure film, Gremlins was scarier then this. I'm only half way though this film and I just want it to end already.
They crash though the jungle into the basement with the skull and baby pterodactyl and weird dog creature that looks like a caterpillar with a dogs face. Jesse chases the baby dino bird around the house and then hide it from his girlfriend and boss who are high on valium Jesse and Charlie get slapped as they find Jesse’s ex girlfriend in the cupboard. So now we're down to 3 guys in the house and some weird creatures.
Looks like the Incas hurt Gramps and took the skull, yay at last John Ratzenberger has arrived as Bill the electrician, Bill has no problem with the fact the house has other time dimensions in it and now we have a Temple of Doom like scene Bill is awesome and is like a real hero in comparison to the other guys. Bill beats them out since he was fighting when they left him, he gives them his card which says Bill Towner Electrician & Adventurer. That section is my favourite part John Ratzenberger can do no wrong why do you think Pixar love him.
The weird group including a virgin Inca girl have dinner and finally the figure from the start turns up to fight Gramps for the skull, he looks a bit like Bubba Ho-Tep, he shoot Gramps and takes the girl and skull to old west and Jesse finds out the bad guy killed his parents so goes after him. Time for a showdown but Jesse can't shoot straight with a pistol, he gets a shotgun. Jesse keeps getting shot how is he still standing and firing, the Police arrive because of the gunfire and Jesse shoots the figures head to bits, then gets the skull back to Gramps, but it's time for Gramps to move on.
The police are still waiting for Jesse to come out but the headless figure gets up and shoots his the sheriff and the police open fire the house is set alight and Jesse gets the creatures and Gramps out by going into the western dimension and stays their with his friend and new Inca girlfriend.
The writer director set out to make a completely different movie from the first, he definitely did that and he was planing on an anthology of haunted house movies. I think I hate this movie because it makes less sense then the first and went down the all out comedy route, which doesn't work very often with horror franchises, the only one I can think of is Army of Darkness. I know it's not meant to be a horror but it is so ridiculous and has to many pointless characters, except for Bill just cause I love his stuff. I would not go out of your way to watch this film unless your having trouble sleeping.
Next HOUSE 3 or THE HORROR SHOW to Americans.
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